This *is* the Manuscript You Were Looking For

After looking over client lists of agents to get a taste of what literary agencies are endorsing, I’m thinking it’s time I learned the Jedi mind trick. Have you read some authors’ bios lately?

Initial. Initial. Smarmy was terminally ill from the age of two, which explains much of the philosophical trauma he endured as a child. In his teens, he established his own business, ‘Nightshade Window Treatments,’ from which a friendly cult began, dedicated to educating others about the advantages of poisonous vegetation. A part-time volunteer for the Association for the Beautification of Carnivorous Reptiles, he paints abstract portraits on crocodile teeth to help raise funds and awareness. He has a pet platypus that travels with him to book signings because ‘Curby’ won’t sleep unless he’s wrapped in Smarmy’s silk scarf. Smarmy always wears this scarf; it marks his triumph over his 14-year addiction to Ace of Base.

Okay, I would love to read this in a real bio. My own will include my short stint as a bad fortune-teller and my award for being the worst slob at camp. But I can’t compete. Padawan training, you are my only hope.

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Author: Rilla Z

I'm a scribbler. I'm genuine. Sometimes I'm too genuine. My topics of interest are: this world, the worlds inside my head, and the world to come. Oh, and cups of tea. Yes, I write about my cups of tea.

14 thoughts on “This *is* the Manuscript You Were Looking For”

    1. I was inspired by actual bios, but then I let my imagination tweak a few – okay, all of it. Less is good. As a reader, I think it’s nice to want to know more about an author.

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  1. Have you also noticed the examples of “successful queries” in writer’s magazines? It seems like every one of the queries is from an author who has published already and won awards, or is a recognized expert in some field, or has a Hollywood friend who’s already interested in doing a movie of the book.

    How are real mortals supposed to stand a chance?!

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    1. Those fake mortals. What do they mean by flaunting their flashy awards? I intend to see my awards are polished to a mere dull shine… when I get them. How about you?

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  2. Patience and perseverance. If you cannot always have faith in yourself, I will keep the faith for you until you can pick it up again; time is precious and I wouldn’t frequent your blog if I didn’t believe you were worth it!

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