Do you think-write out your disappointments? I do. Here’s a therapeutic piece I wrote to get over something I experienced about a year ago. I wasn’t ready to admit to it at the time. I’m over it now, so it’s time to share. It’s entitled, Monday, Monday because that was the day I received the call.
“Sometimes I need a restart button. Not like the one Hillary Clinton gave to the Russian Foreign Minister in 2009–preferably something less “nuke the world”-ish. Just let me crawl under my desk and sob. I feel really worthless. I know I’m not, but rational thought isn’t prevailing at the moment.
“I received a call from a representative who wanted me to consider his publishing company for my book. Consider? Uh, yeah, I’ll consider! The question I asked was: “Well, what does that mean?” (Yeah, great question, amateur.)
“Let me backtrack just a tad. I did submit my book to this publisher, but not really of my own volition. It is, in fact, the only publishing company I’ve submitted anything to. You see, I was told I was being too much of a perfectionist in crafting my queries to specific agents I’d researched. But then I kind of sent my manuscript to show I was not being picky (which means, yes, I’m OCD and I just went the other extreme on a dare). I didn’t really expect anything to come of it. I am so, so naive.
“After the call from the publishing company, I phoned one of my best friends and had a meltdown over the phone. On the surface, I was so elated that it was positive feedback! Beneath that, I knew it was just an offer to vanity publish. (I’d read the fine print of this company’s procedures.) Then I messaged a self-pubbed writer. His was historical fiction, so I didn’t think his experience would really be the same as mine. He replied, “I was ‘taken by them too’.” *Cue the shoulder slump*
“I’m supposed to put this under my belt and continue on, right? I’m supposed to view this as a profitable learning experience. I just need a blanket I can hide under for a few decades. I think I’ll be okay by then.
“I know I’m overreacting. And I keep asking myself, Why am I letting this affect me? It’s not like a doled out the cash (which isn’t really a testament to my business savvy as much as the realization that I don’t have it to dole out). It’s not like I got burned. But it hurts, and I just need to acknowledge that.
“After collecting my shattered ego, I emailed the company, stating I wanted to look into other options. I’ve become calm about it, though I’m not over crying about it inside. And it’s a good thing that this happened. This is a clear indication I’m not ready on so many levels. I have a lot to learn.”
Have you ever had something like this happen to you–something that wasn’t bad, exactly, but disappointing all the same?
Rilla Writer 
“Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” At least, that’s what I’ve read. In your case, your writing has gotten stronger during the past year, as have you.
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I hope you’re right, Mom O! And thanks.
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A friend in my writing group had almost the exact same experience. It was a press she wasn’t aware was a “vanity” type publisher (we had heard an author published by them speak, and he never mentioned the vanity aspect of it, but he was a contest winner and it is possible that he hadn’t been published under the same terms) until she started reading the fine print in the contract they sent her.
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I guess it’s the way some writers want to go. I wish I’d not taken the dare and submitted to that company. That’s what made me feel the dumbest.
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We all make mistakes, especially when we want something so badly. And you realized yours before any damage was done. That’s a great learning experience. You’re wiser and stronger because of it.
The writing journey isn’t for the faint of heart. Heaven knows, I’m at a low point right now. But when the characters and Muse keep whispering and we heed the call, then we’re on our way again.
If you enjoy writing, you’re already successful. Publication is another game all together. Now you have more drive and knowledge for succeeding at it. You can do this!
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I hope you’re getting past your low point and finding your focus again, JM. Yes! I find joy in writing, and that’s the best part! And I still want to give the publication game a real go, so no harm done. 🙂
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