It is an all-out war, and the odds are stacked against him. Well, mainly, the bacon is stacked against him.
“You have been eating all the bacon!” I challenge. “You’ve been eating bacon every day, and there is a shortage on bacon in this house.”
“What are you talking about? I’m eating the same amount of bacon I always do!”
I shake my head vehemently. “You only make bacon on the weekends, but now you’re eating it every day. Plus,” I raise my index finger to the sky, impassioned by what I aim to reveal, “you are hiding it.”
“What? I’m not hiding anything!”
I hold up the foil-wrapped package, placed in a zipper baggy. “Then why is it being disguised?”
“That’s how I always wrap it. That’s how my mom and dad wrap it at home.”
“It’s true.” His daughters, who are sitting at the table waiting for bacon, nod their agreement, and Pearl adds, “They wrap the leftovers in foil.” It occurs to me then that we don’t usually have leftovers on weekends. Realm cooks the whole package, and we close in like hungry sharks.
“Why would I hide bacon?” continues my husband.
“Because you want to eat it all?” I mumble.
He hears me and replies, “You can cook it and eat it, too. I don’t care. I’m eating my regular breakfast. I eat three slices of bacon every day at work.”
“Ah.” I nod my head in discovery. “Ahhh,” Dawn and Pearl repeat. The mystery is solved. Realm eats bacon at work every day.
“Okay, I see now, but I can’t keep up with your bacon intake. I’ve barely been able to buy our normal amount of bacon because all the meat is gone at the store. So, you’ve got to cut back on the bacon.”
Realm looks at me as though I have just told him he must swim with the hungry sharks. “I am eating my three slices and that is final.” He cooks his bacon in silence and eats it–I wouldn’t say defiantly; he eats it rather cooly. His routine will not be shaken by this virus scare. He will continue on, stoic and calm, through the stay-at-home orders, working and having meetings in pajamas, the threats of tornadoes, the threats of his tornado-tempered wife… The world may have to change, but breakfast will remain undisturbed.