The Bacon Shortage

It is an all-out war, and the odds are stacked against him. Well, mainly, the bacon is stacked against him.

“You have been eating all the bacon!” I challenge. “You’ve been eating bacon every day, and there is a shortage on bacon in this house.”

“What are you talking about? I’m eating the same amount of bacon I always do!”

I shake my head vehemently. “You only make bacon on the weekends, but now you’re eating it every day. Plus,” I raise my index finger to the sky, impassioned by what I aim to reveal, “you are hiding it.”

“What? I’m not hiding anything!”

I hold up the foil-wrapped package, placed in a zipper baggy. “Then why is it being disguised?”

“That’s how I always wrap it. That’s how my mom and dad wrap it at home.”

“It’s true.” His daughters, who are sitting at the table waiting for bacon, nod their agreement, and Pearl adds, “They wrap the leftovers in foil.” It occurs to me then that we don’t usually have leftovers on weekends. Realm cooks the whole package, and we close in like hungry sharks.

“Why would I hide bacon?” continues my husband.

“Because you want to eat it all?” I mumble.

He hears me and replies, “You can cook it and eat it, too. I don’t care. I’m eating my regular breakfast. I eat three slices of bacon every day at work.”

“Ah.” I nod my head in discovery. “Ahhh,” Dawn and Pearl repeat. The mystery is solved. Realm eats bacon at work every day.

“Okay, I see now, but I can’t keep up with your bacon intake. I’ve barely been able to buy our normal amount of bacon because all the meat is gone at the store. So, you’ve got to cut back on the bacon.”

Realm looks at me as though I have just told him he must swim with the hungry sharks. “I am eating my three slices and that is final.” He cooks his bacon in silence and eats it–I wouldn’t say defiantly; he eats it rather cooly. His routine will not be shaken by this virus scare. He will continue on, stoic and calm, through the stay-at-home orders, working and having meetings in pajamas, the threats of tornadoes, the threats of his tornado-tempered wife… The world may have to change, but breakfast will remain undisturbed.

Love Means I Finally Made Him Breakfast

Before Realm and I married, we sat down and talked about our expectations for married life. We used a workbook to help direct our discussions and jotted down our answers in it. I still have that workbook. When we came to the his tasks/her tasks section, it went pretty smoothly. It was simple to say, “Yeah, I can take the trash out every week. No biggie.”

“Sure, I can handle paying the bills.”

“Mow the lawn? No problem.”

“Can I wash a toilet? Like a pro.”

One of the things I signed up for was making breakfast. Easy, right? I certainly thought it would be easy. Married bliss began with Little Rilla Homemaker in the kitchen overcooking scrambled eggs and burning bacon. Plus, the orange juice was watered down. He was disappointed; I was disappointed. But I would not be so easily dissuaded! I couldn’t make eggs and bacon…so what? I could make muffins from a package and turkey bacon! We were still good, right?

Realm is an eggs, bacon, toast and o.j. man. Some people need their morning coffee. My husband needs his morning breakfast. No deviations. (Well, maybe biscuits instead of toast, and maybe sausage instead of bacon, but absolutely no turkey bacon. Blech.)

I, on the other hand, can’t eat when I first get up. Hunger does not hit me at 6:30-ish, but nausea from the aroma of eggs cooking on the stove does. I love my husband. I love to cook. Making eggs in the morning for him was pure torture for me. Go figure.

Gradually, I began to quit cooking breakfast. Okay, it wasn’t that gradual. It happened in that first year. Now here we are, fifteen years later, and I haven’t made breakfast for my husband in…um…fifteen years. Do I feel bad about this? Yes. I feel like I’ve defaulted on our original agreement. Realm has long past forgiven me. He’s over it, so why can’t I just let it go?

Stupid perfectionism.

So guess what I found this week? A recipe for Egg and Sausage Muffins. I think I found it on some gluten-free website—or maybe it was a low-carb recipes website. I can’t remember. Anyway, I touched up the recipe a bit, and here it is:

10 eggs
2 Tbl heavy cream
1 lb breakfast sausage
¼ cup minced onion
¼ tsp pepper
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

It makes 18 regular-sized muffins. And it’s so simple!

My egg & sausage muffins
My egg & sausage muffins

I pre-heated the oven to 350 degrees, greased the muffin pans, and browned the sausage and onion in the skillet. I whisked the eggs, heavy cream, and pepper while the sausage mixture was cooling in a bowl, then poured the egg mixture over it. I added the cheese, mixed it all up nice n’ cozy, and spooned it into each muffin cup. 18 minutes in the oven, and they were done.

Packing up the muffins...
Packing up the muffins…

Realm tried one.
His eyes lit up.
It was love.

And the darling muffins can be packed away in the fridge to be warmed up in just a few seconds in the microwave.

For the first time in fifteen years, I’ve made breakfast for my husband. And I don’t feel sick to my stomach from the smell of eggs! Go, Little Rilla Homemaker! Don’t you love life’s tiny triumphs?